Friday, January 11, 2013

My Dog's a Food Slut

Like most dogs, mine is a food beggar. He'll ignore me when I call him from 3ft away, but the second someone's eating cheese in the house he's your best friend. This isn't an uncommon dog act. I've gotten completely used to eating dinner with a dog head resting in my lap watching me take every bite. Recently though my little Ollie has taken his food obsession to new sneaky lengths. 

He has perfected this system where he can get away with sneaking food even in the middle of a room full of people. Let's just take a second here to go over the way Ollie has earned his appointed title of
"Food Slut"
Offense #1
It started relatively simple. One day I came home with a sandwich from Panera. Thinking it was perfectly safe to eat in my own living room, I unwrapped my sandwich and placed it on the coffee table. My mistake was leaving the room to get a water. When I left the dog wasn't even in the room, but when I returned there he was tongue on my sandwich about to go for the whole thing.
Ollie's Lesson: Wait for the humans to be distracted to move in.

Offense #2
Setting: Ladies Happy Hour. Picture a room full of women crowded around a coffee table full of appetizers. Ollie stealthily creeps his way to the table, waits for eyes to be off him, and attacks the cheese platter. Ollie one group of girls zero.
Ollie's Lesson: As long as you're cute they won't stay mad too long. Next thing you know they're feeding you crackers to go with your stollen cheese.

Offense #3
It happened earlier this week. Setting: Football party. This time Ollie had not one, but two victims. So, here we are again gathered in the living room around the coffee table filled with food. Ollie waits for his opening and takes out an entire bowl of dill dip. He gets scolded and banished to the bedroom. 30 minutes later he is missed and returns with the promise of good behavior. It didn't last long. Ollie skillfully inches his way over to our friend Roger for a nice back scratch. Roger happily obliges, but little does he know while he's petting Ollie thinking what a nice dog, our clever Oliver is inching his mouth over to Roger's nearby plate of pizza. There's victim number two.
Ollie's Lesson: Go for the visitors, because they are never on to you. Kill them with kindness, then take out their dinner.

My Lesson: Stop putting food on the coffee table.

4 comments:

  1. Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
    Quote
    http://your-dogs-diet.blogspot.com

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    1. That could not be more true. We rescued my dog after he spent the first 7 months of his life in a crate. For an entire year he was unresponsive to anything. He wouldn't move, we had to pick him up. He would only eat when we were sleeping. We've had him for 6 years now and he is the best dog! He loves to play fetch, go for walks in the park, and of course steal our food. Putting the time and love into gaining his trust and love has made hime the happiest most playful dog in the world.

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  2. This is maybe your most hysterical post yet!

    missmelandmissheather.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. I told Ollie you said so, and he is very flattered that you find him so comical.

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